her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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