currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
