I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
