if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
