Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
