this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
