Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
