We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
