good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
