if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
