i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I did not marry a roomba.
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