Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
