haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize