I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
