i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
