It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
