Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ttyl tear gas
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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