Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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