I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
