Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
