oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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