is your mom at the bar?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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