I accidentally had phone sex last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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