I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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