She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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