i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
