nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
only if we run a train.
done.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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