I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
