Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
