My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize