R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
