so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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