I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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