My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
