Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
