I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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