Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
