She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
