In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize