I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
