I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
