Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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