SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize