Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
