The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
