Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
