So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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