Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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