the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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