Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
