$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
