I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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