Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
