i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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