I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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