I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
