How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
