so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
