Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
