Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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