Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
