Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
