I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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