Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
