walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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