I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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