I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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