no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
