I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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