So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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