I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
