is your mom at the bar?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they're like a gay fantastic four
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize